2020 & The Oblivious

There’s something freeing about living in a perfect world, remaining almost oblivious to everything around you. It’s like we craft this little world around us to suit our needs and wants. To forget the guilty and the bad. That is the definition of freedom. The freedom to perceive things as you wish and form judgements around it. Opinions. “The world is mine for the taking,” has been stated too often and for far too long. Because this world has already been overrun by elitists and power hungry people that are barely human anymore. We are just prey in their eyes, they think we are easy to manipulate, to bend to their wills as our tiny voices are unheard.

I’m exposing 2020. I’m going to cut into every raw detail about this year, little by little. As understanding dawns in my eyes, I yearn for the truth and I’m hungry for change. You have to be hungry too, or you can stay in your perfect world. But remember, silence is an accomplice. As gruesome as this may get, I want to educate to the best of my abilities. I want to discuss how the year 2020 has given me 20/20 vision. Everything may not be a fact, it may be a theory that has yet to be debunked. Or it may be the truth that has been buried with facts for far too long. Follow me on this journey, towards the past, present, and future. Be hungry for change. Be hungry for knowledge. Be unsatisfied with the current state of your world, enough to willingly dive in and disrupt its mechanics.

I don’t mean to offend anyone. But, I smell something rotten that is slowly coming unhinged, something slowly unraveling as 2020 continues to pass by and citizens begin to become antsy and the air is thick with anticipation, muddled with fear. Just remember, it will get worse before it gets better.

Sticks & Stones, Words Hurt the Most

This is not from a perspective of a parent, but a victim. This post may not be for the feint of heart, but I wanted to share someone’s story. I had interviewed someone, they want to remain anonymous but thank you for allowing me to share part of your story.

“I was a young girl who only grew up with a mother. Until one fateful day, my mom met a stranger. You know the drill, time goes on and of course I’m the only one who has trouble adjusting. After he entered the picture, I was mostly raised by my uncles. She was either working or with him. More time passes, and we all move in together. My mom, him, his daughter, then me. They were engaged. But, something had twisted in my mother’s fiance. I don’t know, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was because he’s just rotten on the inside. At the age of fourteen, I was beginning to hear insults about me. It was always something overheard, and I’ll only give one example of his torment.

I was sick, so naturally I was sleeping all day and had even missed school. As I was dozing off, I heard my mom doing the dishes. Then, I heard him. He came storming in the kitchen and asked why my fat “‘butt”‘ (much more vulgar than that) wasn’t doing them instead. And she had just ignored it. And didn’t defend me.

Being naive and young at the time, I thought maybe I deserved it. So, I did everything I could to present myself better. I was forced to work when I was sixteen, my grades failing as a result. I mean, it was hard. But overall, I thought it was my fault. The insults kept coming and eventually he started saying them to my face. And my mother was always silent. To me, it was the silence that killed me the most.

I remember her asking why he keeps saying such negative things about me, and he said it was because I’m heartless. That I’ve never liked him, and that I’m useless. I won’t be able to do anything in the future. He even said

“‘If she wants a dad, she needs to go find her own.”” I feel like it was at that moment I felt my heart sink deep into my chest, and it has been scared to open up ever since.

I quickly fell into a depression, nobody in my family would hear me out. Nobody would help me. I was suffocating under my own cries and his ever so gruesome affront behavior. And while, in the present, I am currently moved out and completely independent, I can’t escape what he has said to me and about me. And I always took my family’s silence as a confirmation: that he was right.

It has taken me years to fully realize what I’ve gone through and I’ve had to let myself unravel before I could build myself back up again. I had to lay out all my broken pieces and superglue them together and even then I still don’t feel whole.

You asked me what I’ve learned so far from my experience and that is a person’s words can’t define you and a person’s silence is just as much of a killer. That is why I’ll always speak up for those who do not have a voice, and I’ll always listen to others with an open mind- even if their opinion is different than mine.”

The point of the interview was to show parens that children deserve to be heard with an open mind and not written off as a dramatic or “it’s not as bad as you think.” Parents are the sole protectors of their offspring, so if you don’t show them consideration and understanding, then who will?

I apologize if this blog post offends anyone, but everyone’s story has to be heard and I believe in the morals of this one.

Self-love and What It Means

We all go through different experiences in life, but the emotions we feel are real and connected. They may not happen at the same time, but we feel it. Like when you look in the mirror and feel like today is not your day. Or when you don’t feel motivated to work. Our perceptions may differ in life, but we still empathize and sympathize together. It’s what makes us human.

That is why I can tell you this. I have felt everything you have, the despair and hopelessness. There’s anger and fear, maybe guilt. Anything that pulls you down in life is tough, but I just want to tell you that you are worth it. You have something to live for, and you have someone who cares. So, when you’re sitting in the bathtub, or curled up in a ball- just know that someone is there. There’s always a hand reaching out to you, even if you can’t see it.

The darkest parts of ourselves always find us at some point. It can be suffocating. There’s no light to guide you out. So, when you feel it crawling through you as it invades your mind, don’t push it back. You have to embrace it. You have to let the feeling of unworthiness and hurt wash over you like rain. And as it consumes you, you have to look in the mirror and say “I love you and accept you as you are. Because you are enough. Even with your dark parts.” That is the true meaning of strength and self-love.

I believe in you.

Women & Hair

Ladies, it’s time. It’s time to discuss the social norms that have been suffocating us for decades. It’s appalling really, to watch as many judge us for simply doing what we want. Why is it anyone’s right to sit there and judge the way we look? The way we speak, or dare I say it- have opinions. It is not just to infringe upon another woman’s comforts or beliefs. Oh, and the root cause of all this negativity, you may ask?

It’s us. Women. The root cause is not men. Men have simply taken advantage of these luxuries we have provided them. The real problem is us. Women against women, social norms versus comfort, and social media versus reality.

Let’s begin with the subject of hair. All women have beautiful, natural hair. It’s just in our genes. But, we are only allowed to have it on the top of our head. We must be bald everywhere else or it’s disgusting, outright daring if you please.

Notice how I’ve used the words allowed and must. Who dares to dictate our hygiene routine? You. And her. And your mother. And your sister. And your cousins. Every female in 2020 who thinks they have to shave their legs, who have to shave their arms, and other private areas to appeal to potential lovers. We mustn’t allow our own body parts to become prickly, heckled with hair that was originally formed to protect our skin. We cannot allow such unlady like characteristics to develop says society.

In contradiction, what do you think women did in the 1700’s and 1800’s? The first razor was not invented until 1901. So, the women before that time simply did nothing. It was nothing of consequence either, simply a manner of existing and being. Living their lives and not worried about a single hair on their body as it was a norm during that time. Now, look at what has become of it. We’re expected to have smooth legs constantly. To take time out of our busy days being mothers, educators, and laborers to uphold the social norm of smooth skin. We are being judged and ridicule for our arms exposing hair and daring to have a small patch of hair under our armpits. And it is not by the sanctity of men, no. But, women.

We need to understand eachother and our struggles. No, it is not easy being a woman. The least we should have control over is our sense of self-worth, for we have worked hard over the past decades to achieve freedom and rights. We have come too far to turn against eachother now in hopes of having higher praise. We do not need anyone else to tell us how worthy we are, how to live, and how to be. We must simply exist and live our life the way it’s meant to be. Under our control. And yes, it begins with the freedom of having hair to being able to speak your opinions freely. So, you grow your hair out. You let it fly in the wind and understand that your body is your own freedom and it is under your control. Nobody can identify your worth or dictate the way you look. If you want smooth legs because it makes you feel better, then shave. But, if you do not have the time of day, or simply wish to not bother for now with trivial matters such as shaving, then don’t. The choice is yours.

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A Woman’s Worth